TEXTING AND DATING DON'T MIX.

You know the saying, "don't text and drive."  Well, we like the mantra, "don't text and date!" Texting is so convenient. We've been known to do it moment-to-moment, for game updates (point by point!), jokes, photos, emoji's, remote babysitting, planning and non-sequiturs.

Don't text and date

But it can be disastrous mixed with dating. You do not develop a relationship through texting. It's an impersonal medium. If you want to continue dating someone, avoid it.

Here's an example. Diane and Charles meet for a first date and both have a great time. The next day, Charles sends Diane a text. She texts back. He texts. She texts. And then nothing. Radio silence. You’ve fallen into the texting void. Do you want to continue dating this person? Don’t text them. Trust us on this one.

Text messages can be misconstrued. We’ve all had this happen. You’re busy and simply use the wrong punctuation. A question mark verses an exclamation point, and the recipient goes off on you. Good luck recovering! Over a simple grammatical error. 

Or, the recipient misinterprets your text. The written word often has a harsher view than intended. That’s why it’s said if you are upset about something, send yourself a letter in the mail. Sleep on it. Wait and see what it looks like when you receive it before you decide if it’s really the message that you intended to convey. Often, in the heat of the moment, we are not as articulate as we think.

It takes a LONG TIME to potentially change a behavior. Experts say from 21 to 66 days!  If your date texts you, shift the paradigm. Don't reply back with a text. Pick up the phone and respond with a call. But do not call back every single time they text. Limit yourself to a maximum of 2 texts a week with no more than 10 words per text. This may sound absurd, especially to your kids, but it’s just not worth it if you want to develop a relationship. If you are absolutely compelled to text, text your friend instead. Or just text yourself if you simply can’t control it. After a few weeks of callbacks, your date may get the message. Keep it up and in the long term, reflect back and compare the results of the texting dates and the calling relationships.

Have I been ghosted?

Have I been ghosted?

The exception is if you're meeting, and there’s a problem. For instance, you’re running late, stuck in traffic, there’s an accident, or you’re unable to park, then it’s respectful and courteous to your date. But be sure to pull over first, before texting.

If they don’t call within two weeks, they are not interested enough. Some people are extremely busy, both personally and professionally, and have little free time. Give them some time, but if they don’t reach out to you, regroup and move on. That person is not for you. Be proactive with us and complete our find me a new mate (find me someone new, in other words) form.

 

BREATHE. 

Take your time in a relationship. It seems as if most dating relationships last less than three months. The first three months are akin to acting. Most people, as expected, are on their best behavior during this phase. If their behavior is questionable (for instance, defensive or hostile) during this time frame, watch out!

In other words, if they can’t behave well at the onset of a relationship, it is doubtful that their behavior will ever improve toward you. Often, individuals who cop a hostile or defensive attitude, become even more defensive if you should even allude to it; particularly, if they are insecure. Ultimately, this could contribute to the relationship crumbling.

It takes around six months of dating someone at least twice a week to move into the boyfriend/girlfriend category. Don’t kid yourself: that’s from the first, face-to-face date. Not from the first email, phone call or text. And don’t cheat. So, take a deep breath and give the relationship time to see if it evolves.