Sex & Dating
He wanted me to have sex with him on the first date. I said no. I've never heard from him again. Did I do something wrong? What should I do now?
Some people are only interested in sex. They won't call you if you don't have sex with them. They are pretty binary. Isn't it better to know this after only one date? If you pursue them, most likely, they will have no respect for you, no matter what you do. They may have done you a favor. It sounds funny, but it's not personal.
Dating has really changed. Between the collegiate "hookup" culture, apps that are designed for this purpose, and overall dating challenges, it can be difficult to know what to do. The elephant in the room.
When exactly is the sex date?
If someone buys your dinner, sex is not required as a dessert course. Ivy League College students have told us that if their date treat for dinner, they are supposed to have sex with them.
Many women in their 20s have sex on the first date. They ask, "how else are you supposed to know if the sex is good?"
Is the sex good with a stranger? Do you really want anonymous sex? They don't even know the last names of these people.
A group of us were chatting at a wine bar in Palo Alto. All attractive, successful, single men with high social EQs, for the most part, & me, the married female. One divorced, Asian guy, around 40, said, "I only meet first dates for coffee. There is no way that I am buying them dinner if they are not going to have sex with me. I'd rather have a prostitute, cause then, sex is guaranteed." The rest of us laughed so hard. The other guys thought he was kidding and drunk. But, I thought he was speaking his truth.
What do you want?
What you really want a relationship? Do you know? Maybe, you really don't, and that's ok.
Is sex on the first date ok?
Do you think that having sex the on the first date leads to long term relationships? We do know a few couples in long-term marriages who had sex the first day they met, but they are the anomalies. For the most part, the answer is no, simply because most first dates, do not lead to second dates. And most relationships do not last one month.
Many people, both men & women, have deep seeded values. Men often admit that they won't commit to women who have sex with them on the first date.
Three Date Rule?
I once asked my husband & his best friend, a former professional baseball player, if they knew about the 3-date rule. They completely feigned ignorance. I was really concerned because so many women abide by the 3-date rule and thought, "well, that explains it! The women are following the 3-date rule, and the men never received the playbook!" Until I realized, months later, that they were joking.
Just because your date invites you into their home, does not mean they are giving you an open invitation for sex.
Women can control as to when sex occurs.
Have you been tested?
Remember to always practice safe sex. It's also in your best interest to ask each other for their STD test results; some of these things last a lifetime. Others can be fatal. It is illegal to misrepresent your test results. Others can be fatal. It is illegal to misrepresent your test results. Remember no glove, no love.