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Official PreQM Blog

To Do & What Not To Do in Dating. That is the Question. If it was only that easy. Where is Shakespeare when you need him? This is the official blog of PreQualified Mates, PreQM.



When exactly is the Sex Date?

He wanted to have sex on the first date. I said no. I've never heard from him. Did I do something wrong? Now what?

Some people are only interested in sex, not "dating." You won't hear from them after you've had sex. Even good sex. Isn't it better to know this after only 1 sexual encounter? If you pursue them, it may not make a difference. They may disrespect you, though it takes two to tango. They may have done you a favor. Ironic, but it's not personal.

Between the collegiate "hookup" culture & apps, these can be difficult waters to navigate. The elephant in the room. When is the sex date?

If someone buys you dinner, sex is not quid pro quo. Even Ivy Leaguers have told us that if their date buys dinner, they are supposed to have sex.

Many women in their 20s have sex on the first date. They ask, "well, how else are you supposed to know if the sex is good?"

Is sex good with a stranger? Do you want anonymous sex? What's their last name? Sometimes, the answers are "Yes," "Maybe," & "No." We aren't judging. Oh, by any chance, are they married? If you are ready to bang them on the first date, you may not even care. But, you can quickly check online with the County and also run a background check for a few bucks. Oh, but is that gonna blow the moment?

A group of us were chatting at a bar. All attractive, successful, single men with high social EQs, & me, the married female. One 40 YO divorced guy, said, "I only meet first dates for coffee. There's no way that I am buying them dinner if they are not going to have sex with me. I'd rather have a prostitute, cause then, sex is guaranteed." We all laughed. The guys thought he was kidding & drunk. I thought he was on truth serum.

Ask yourself what you want? Do you want a relationship?

Does first date sex lead to long-term relationships? We know couples in long-term marriages who had sex the first day they met, but they are the anomalies. Answer = No. Most first dates, do not lead to second dates, whether or not you have sex. And most relationships do not last one month.

Many people have deep seeded values. Men often admit that they won't commit to women who have sex with them on the first date.


I asked my husband & his bf, a former pro baseball player, if they knew about the 3-date rule. They completely feigned ignorance. I was concerned cause so many women abide by the 3-date rule & thought, "That explains it! Women follow the 3-date rule, & the men never received the playbook!" Until I realized that they were joking.

No means No. You, too, frat boys.

An invite into their home, does not mean an open invitation for sex. If your partner says, "No," "Stop," "I can't do this," is drunk, or passed out, then stop. Try to make sure that they are safe and politely leave.

Most of the time, women are in control as to when sex occurs.

Have you been tested?

Remember to practice safe sex. It's in your best interest to ask each other for STD test results; some things last a lifetime. Others can be fatal. BTW, it is illegal to misrepresent your known test results.

No glove, No love.

We spoke with a MFCC who told us that he sees professional women in his office all day long, every day. He says that if the guy wants to have sex on the first date, the women go for it. And, if the guy won't use a condom, they will do it anyway.

We've heard many times that "I don't use condoms because I want it to feel good for him." Well, guess what else can happen if you don't use protection?