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Official PreQM Blog

To Do & What Not To Do in Dating. That is the Question. If it was only that easy. Where is Shakespeare when you need him? This is the official blog of PreQualified Mates, PreQM.




Ways to Navigate Life when you are Infatuated

You go out hunting. You meet a hot babe. You’re immediately attracted to her. She’s a smoking hot turn on to you. Her eyes, lips, body, hands, shoes. She’s got epic swag. You offer to buy her a drink. She accepts. You start chatting with her. OMG. She’s smart. She’s funny, too. She’s sexy. You are completely into her.

And, oh yeah. She’s digging you. She’s responding. She’s looking at you. She’s smiling. Her eyes are gleaming. Great body language. She touches her face. She licks her lips. She nibbles on her lower lip. She touches you. She’s a perfect dime. You’ve hit the mother lode!

Oh, Christ! She needs to go. You quickly exchange numbers. You go in for a hug. Man, she smells great!

She's a dime!

She's a dime!

Wait – stop here for a second...

Does this ever happen to you? When people go in for a hug, do they ever say, “You smell good!” Cause it happens to me quite often. If it doesn’t, perhaps you can try this too, boys & girls. After you bathe, use a good quality scented bath oil directly on your body. Don’t bother pouring it into the tub.

Annick Goutal’s daughter, Camille, explained this to me years ago. It’s a great tip because the bath oils have tons of fragrance & they hydrate your skin. It looks, smells & feels great on your skin. I pretty much over-dosed on Eau d'Hadrien which is their lemony unisex fragrance. So, I switched to Jo Malone & use their bath oil like a lotion. And sometimes, I lock & load with their body lotion or their body crème.

If you think this is crazy, perhaps you should try it yourself, first, before you judge & LMK if it works for you. Oh, and if you think these products are pricey or expensive, ask yourself if what you are doing is working for you in love? Is it? How is that working out for you? Maybe you should try something different. Change it up. Try a sample or even DIY. Or, buy a knock off. I’ve tried Nantucket Perfumes for my beloved discontinued Jo Malone Honeysuckle fragrance, but alas, it’s just not the same.

I digress…Back to the hug…She gives you a European kiss-kiss. And then, she gives you a quick kiss on the lips.

When you get home, you can’t sleep. You can still smell her. And she smelled GREAT. You are so turned on by this gal. WTF just happened? You can’t wait to see her again.

Three Day Rule? Are you nuts?

None of this “three day rule business” about waiting 3 days to call with this one!

You can’t wait to be with her. But, you are trying to be careful. Later that night, you text her. She texts you back. You ask her out for a proper date. She says “Yes.” You can’t wait to kiss her again. You treat her to dinner at a nice restaurant. After dinner, you kiss her. OMG. It’s amazing.

Getting the ick, quick?

You meet so many people every which way. In the “real world,” online, swiping, and it’s not really much of anything. You get the ick, quick. Daisy Bernard wrote about this in her article on on June 30, 2017, “that cringe-inducing gut feeling that emerges…a sudden repulsion that you can’t shake.”

Some, you may have dated, even for years. You may have married others. Don’t ask. Then, you meet some random person & it seems to be everything. Your world seems to flip on its head. It’s as if the neurons or synapsis in your brain are electrified. You feel alive. Happy? You can’t stop thinking about her. Is there something wrong with you? Are you obsessing?

How do you navigate life when you have these amazing, albeit, rare feelings? How can you function day-to-day when you are engrossed in this preoccupation?

Here are a few suggestions that may help you persevere:

  1. Keep busy. Organize your crib. Clean. Iron. Volunteer. Work hard.
  2. Sing. Listen. Play music. Dance.
  3. Get in shape, just like Prince Harry, believe it or not! In the NY Post Article, “Harry wanted to be in the best possible shape for Meghan and had started going to the gym regularly…."
  4. Love yourself.
  5. Meditate.
  6. Per JennysofLos Gatos (a true dime!): Be a chivalrous, yet nurturing & caring person. And, in particular, to your partner. To be a truly giving person is without ego.

Realize & respect that this is very special. We spoke about this with one of the psychologist who vets PreQualified Mates. She says, “Sometimes, you just have chemistry.” We agree. And, it can hit you at any time. You are never too old. Or too young.

There’s a lot of chatter about oxytocin, dopamine & testosterone. We spoke with best selling author, Sam Beau Patrick, this week out of Queensland, Australia. She sums it up pretty nicely in her blog:

“…Remember the internal glow, the vibrancy racing through your body and the feeling that life was…juicy? That is the powerful and addictive nature of love hormones…When we fall in love we get a natural boost in our ‘love hormone’ oxytocin. Dopamine is our fun and pleasure hormone and it simultaneously goes up when we fall in love.”

We spoke with Debbie Weiss, last week, as well. She articulates this beautifully, in her NY Times article, when she says “…I knew that when you find love, you jump in, almost involuntarily. You don’t sit on the edge negotiating how to keep your options open.” A version of this article appears in print on March 25, 2018, on Page ST6 of the New York edition with the headline: First Try the Pastrami, Then the Polyamory.

Are you willing to fully embrace this relationship? We believe a minimum of 3 to 6 months of serious dating is a reasonable barometer to commit. To get off line. To end ancillary relationships. And to really know. If this one, is THE one.