Dating & Love: Some of the Best are Unexpected...
I met with my friend, Michael, this week. He’s handsome. Legit. A solid 8. Brilliant. European. The accent. Smart. Fit. Single. Interesting. To be honest, sorry, honey (my husband), he’s pretty damn dreamy. But, as I always caveat, “not as handsome as you!” Phew.
We were discussing my prospective blog topics. I’ve got lot of them cooking at the moment. It’s like all the burners on the stove going, making a complete mess in the kitchen, and trying to keep all of the complicated recipes straight.
We were talking about “hunting.” Michael remarked that “it happens when you least expect it. When you reflect on your environment (see what I mean about Michael being on the deeper side and not just a pretty face?), if you go out with the intention of ‘I need to pick someone up, those are usually the worst night’s out.’ ”
Dating is Like Shopping.
I’m like, “Dude. Dating is Like Shopping. Some of the most exquisite pieces look unappealing. Like trying to find the delicious piece of chocolate from a mixed box. Ever bite into a gorgeous piece & it’s revolting & you just spit it out?”
Doesn’t it seem that when you are looking for something specific, you can NEVER find it? But, when you are just browsing, you can find something through serendipity? When shopping (and dating), it’s important to keep an open mind. Just because something doesn’t look perfect on the hanger does not mean that it isn’t ideal for you. You may discover a vital wardrobe staple. A keeper.
Have you ever gone into a dressing room to try on a bunch of clothes? Sometimes, absolutely nothing fits and you leave empty handed and disappointed. Occasionally, you may just need a different size or design, and it works perfectly on you.
While shopping, you may try various pieces on for size, comfort, fit, look & feel. Try using a similar analogy when dating.
There are some pieces that seem kind of cool. You just need to work it. And others that benefit from some simple alterations. After they are hemmed and taken in, they can be awesome. Have you ever tried something on that looked fabulous on the mannequin, but was an absolute disaster when you gave it a whirl?
In Lori Gottlieb's book, Marry Him: The Case for Setting for Mr. Good Enough, Lori says "…finding a good mate isn’t just some random external event – it’s based on our own choices and actions…most of us aren’t single because of how we look...weigh...education or job…or waited three days to return his call. We’re single because we have this underlying belief that we need to be completely in synch with our mates, and if we are not, we should find someone else." Penguin Group (2010): 312
Sometimes, what you think you may need is the opposite of what you find. You may be shopping for an evening gown, and stumble upon the perfect bomber jacket. When shopping (like dating), if your expectations are a blank slate, you may discover a hidden gem.
Yet, according to Gottlieb, "The longer you spend being indecisive – thinking that any given guy can be returned for another – the more likely it is that you’ll focus on his faults, and nobody will measure up." Gottlieb, 152. What do you really want anyway?
Like a Box of Chocolates.
Some pieces look beautiful, but taste absolutely disgusting. But some of the most delicious pieces look somewhat unappealing. Yet, when you try a little nibble, you may find the most pleasant surprise on the inside.
Maybe that’s why I went shopping at this great used clothing store after meeting with Michael. No expectations, and guess what happened? I bought a dress (black, lacy, with the tags & never worn!), a Gucci top, & the smallest pair of pants I purchased since I was 12. And it feels so good inside.
Finding the perfect mate is only the beginning in the best of circumstances. Relationships require constant work, attention & nurturing. There are always challenges & issues that continually need to be addressed & can’t be ignored such as with family, money, career, sex, health, etc. A fulfilling relationship may commence with intense physical attraction, but that will not sustain it.
Don't be too quick to judge. If you give people a chance, you may find a diamond in the rough.