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Official PreQM Blog

To Do & What Not To Do in Dating. That is the Question. If it was only that easy. Where is Shakespeare when you need him? This is the official blog of PreQualified Mates, PreQM.

 

 

The Best Places to Meet Men: Think out of the Box

Where would you tell single women to go to find and meet men?

Laura Menze of Denver-based Ready-Match recently posed this question on Facebook.

I launched in with a bit of texting diarrhea. Go where men go. I suggested watching the major sporting events in public.

A very handsome counterpart from my datacenter sales days, dated actress Heather Locklear on and off for years. Despite what it says online, he told me that they met at a HS water polo match.

The odds are good, but the goods are odd?

I frequently watch sports at my club in the bar. The male to female ratio is great (and, the goods aren’t always odd!...like the rest of Silicon Valley)! The other night after my workout, I watched the Warriors/Rockets. There were 20 men & 5 women seated at the bar. Many wanted to chat.

Wait? Are you married?

Like me, not everyone is single. Ask them. There’s no harm; it’s innocent. Simply look them in the eye, smile and ask “Are you married?” If they are married, you can still chat. They may have a single friend for you. If they evade the question, it certainly is a sign that they are not direct.

Not everyone wears their ring. And believe me, the rings don’t necessarily stop them. Try wearing an ‪💍 and see how many people hit on you.

I recently surveyed singles on where, at the gym, they’ve met people to date. I listed every conceivable place, including the parking lot (which happened to me). Very few people responded that they’d actually ever met anyone to date at their gym. However, by far and way, most people met in the weight rooms.

Why? You are usually there for a while. There are generally way more men. People are also looking around - maybe sizing everyone else up, or checking the availability of the next machine they have earmarked for their routine. It’s the perfect place to ask for help.

The Best Questions to Ask in the Weight Room...my, what nice muscles you have : )

  • How do you use this machine?
  • What muscles does it work?
  • Would you mind adjusting it for me?
  • Can you please show me how to use it?

Watch your local College & University games. Any sport. Beach Volleyball. Subscribe to their sports schedules. Add the games to your calendar.

Bonus: You may have FUN even if you don’t meet anyone! Imagine that. It’s infectious when you’re enjoying yourself.

My clients host the most amazing Stanford Football tailgates. Chandeliers & picnic tables. Cable TVs. Full bars. A blast! You can hang out & not even watch the game. Sometimes, we have so much fun, we aren’t even aware that the game has started.

If you are going to “crash” a tailgate, be very nice, friendly, & chill. Don’t arrive empty-handed. Bring an excellent bottle of wine & a delicious appetizer. Plan & think about what you are going to wear. You don’t have to wear Cardinal Red if you aren’t an alum (or whatever institution is in the area). I’m a Cal Bear & usually wear blue & gold. No one gives a shit.

If it blows, or you aren’t welcomed, be nice, pick up a ticket & watch the game. Leave & watch the game at a sports bar, or get some exercise and go for a hike.

The Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger, said What?

I once heard Patti Stanger speak. She shared some silver bullets. She suggested picking up a copy of a Men’s magazine, like Men’sHealth. Flip to the ads in the back and book one of the adventure trips.

I attended Formula One Racecar Driving School on a club award trip. That’s where I learned how to drive a stick. No pun intended. I was the only female. Fit, studly guys.

Patti Stanger also suggested picking up a copy of a NY Times Best Seller & sit at the bar of a steak place. Apparently, many men like to eat meat. Even if you are vegan, you can still order veggies. When you are alone, you may be more approachable.

My husband, Jeff, is a huge sports fan. His beloved UCLA Bruins, the 49ers, SF Giants, the Warriors. He even got into watching Curling during the last Olympics. OMG.

Jeff advises to get dolled up (not over-dressed, though), go to a popular sports bar and arrive 20 minutes before game time (even 45 minutes to an hour for a big game!). Grab the best spot at the bar where you can clearly see the game. He said you may not even need to spend a nickel, because people may pick up your tab.

If you don’t know much about sports, here are some good questions to ask…

  • Who do you want to win? (Here’s a clue…pay attention if they are wearing team gear)
  • Are you a _____ fan?
  • Do you attend any of the games (or matches)?
  • Do you have season tickets?
    • I’d love to go to a game sometime!
  • Who do you think is going to win & by how much?
  • Are you betting in a pool?
    • How is that going for you?
  • Did you play professionally or in hs or college?

If they start babbling and you are tuning out, that’s fine. Nod. Toss in an occasional “Oh,” or “hmm.” Or say, “I’m parched.” Just kidding. Not.

Got any extra balls?

Try to the driving range. It’s virtually all dudes. Take a lesson. Ask for help.

  • Am I doing something wrong with my grip?
  • Can you show me how to hold the club?
  • What am I doing wrong?

Julia Bendis‪ of Matchmaker and Dating Coach based in Orange County added a great idea. “I always tell my single ladies to go to hardware stores! And, pretend to need something and ask random men. Not the people that work there. ‪😂”
Wendy: “‪It also facilitates funny conversations. Hardware, screws, etc. lol
Julia:       “Exactly!‪😍
Wendy:  “I forgot to mention the power tools. he he he
Julia:       “I love it!!! ‪😂”
Wendy:  "When I was in my mid-20s, I was ‪🛒 at the local boutique hardware store. This little elderly man was working there and was kind of chasing me around the store. He set me up with his single doctor son. So, don’t ignore the workers." ‪😉

  Bentley, my Coton de Tulear

Bentley, my Coton de Tulear

Another guy chimed in, “go up and say hi to a guy…BE approachable!...sporting events - that THEY are participating in (or aid stations, volunteering, yoga, anywhere where people are walking dogs!

Yesterday, my friend, Sean, joined me walking Bentley. Bentley is my Coton de Tulear. Bentley’s very handsome. A showstopper. Sean could not believe how many people asked about Bentley. Maybe a dozen. Typical. Sean said, “Wow. I’ve got to get a dog. It’s a magnet for meeting people.”

Offer to walk your friend’s dogs. It’s so generous. Karma. Everyone will be happy: you, your friend, and Fido, too! Plus, you’ll get some exercise and fresh air.

Another gal said “Meet them through doing activities and things you love to do! If you love hiking, join a hiking group…If you love hanging out with your friends, do that more! I met my dude because after my divorce, I decided it was important … to hang out more with my girlfriends. That turned into an introduction to my man! Do what you love, but keep your heart and mind open to meeting new people!

Shannon Tebb, Founder of Shanny in the City, a Toronto based dating service, said to‪ “Stop looking and step up your social value. Volunteer, join a choir, take Spanish classes. Ramp up your schedule and he will show up when you least expect it.” Thumbs up, chicka.

Smoking hot, Sienna Sinclaire of Naughty LA added: “Men are all around...open your eyes and be more available. Whether it's running errands...be open to smiling at more people and making conversation. Men do it all the time to women. We just put on our blinders when running errands and seem to go ‘What? Are you talking to me?’ when someone even says ‘Hi’ to us. It's just being more open to others…and allowing someone to talk to you. You never know until you have a conversation with someone.

Ryan’s shout out resonates. “Get involved in what interests you…IMHO the best relationships are ones where there are common interests and friends. Be open to what comes along…

Car shows. Concourse are loaded with interesting men. Plus, they can be a blast. Incredible people watching. The cars aren’t bad, either!

Go to sporting goods stores like Cabelas, West Marine and REI. Ask for advice. Then, ask if they know how to put up a ‪tent.

Todd backed me up, “REI! My favorite store on the planet!

Here’s another idea. Hang on to your bootstraps. I realize it’s incredibly politically incorrect. Shooting ranges, while they still exist in this country. The attention women receive in those environments is amazing. It’s helpful to know how to handle weapons. Take lessons. You can ask, “Do you prefer over & under or side by side?” Or, the old Mae West line, “Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?”

Enough about Dudes. Where can I meet women?

Guys, We haven’t forgotten about you. Here’s a few places for men to meet women:

Both my husband & my mentor suggested workout classes, yoga & Peloton as ways to meet women.

Go to the large mani-pedi salons and get one. Finding women in a salon is like fishing in a barrel. The women in your life will appreciate it as well. As Martha Stewart would say, clean nails and groomed cuticles are “a good thing.”

The Bottom Line: Is what you are doing today working for you?

If you stay home waiting for the proverbial prince or princess to come knocking out your door, good luck with that. They may drop by when you are away. But in all likelihood, it's never gonna happen. Change the paradigm. Get out there and engage.