You Need Courage & Thick Skin to be on the Dating Apps
You need to develop a thick skin on dating apps.
Thick, like armor, but thin, like a condom, at the same time. Easy as pie.
You connect through an APP. Thumbs way up. 👍🏻 You meet IRL. You like her. A lot. She tells you she likes you back. It’s a great date. You’re excited & happy. Finally! Yea! You go home and get online in stealth mode. You sneak a peak at her profile. God damn it! She’s online, too. You are crushed.
It feels like a dagger to the heart.
Sometimes, there’s a simple explanation as to why she’s still on the APP.
Perhaps, you’d sent her a 📧 before you met and she had not seen it, but logged in after the date. A novel concept, that she was polite & didn’t actually go on the app during your date. Oh, that never happens!
Like you, she may have other dates teed up, prior to meeting you. It’s possible that she went online to cancel other dates after meeting you, too.
What’s good for the goose, is good for the gander.
If you have a date & go out - solo - later, & meet someone else, it’s typically, not in their face. It just happened to my friend. Kickass date. Then, he saw her at a pickup bar the following week. He was pissed. Yet, he was there, too.
I was single. I had to work a trade-show which spanned Valentine’s Day. I had a very exciting dinner with my happily married boss. Nice guy, but not exactly the way one would want to be “yours.” lol. I got back to my hotel room and checked my 📧.
There were no apps in those days. No 📱, either. People weren’t on dating Apps, real-time, during their dates. That was something, anyway. Thank god for small miracles.
I received an 📧 from a guy from LA who looked like George Clooney. On Valentine’s Day, no less. 🙂
I Broke My Own Rules:
1. I wasn’t interested in a LD relationship. Heck, I dated a guy for 5 months who lived in Oakland when I lived in San Mateo and I never even went to his house (by choice). But George Clooney. Are you kidding? I was meeting him, even though he lived 400 miles away.
2. Keep it short. Set up the date and get off the phone ASAP. I spoke with Clooney on the phone many times for hours prior to meeting. He lived in LA, so I figured we should get to know each other somewhat. And, we had logistics to resolve prior to meeting, right? A perfect excuse to talk. At least we were talking, not texting.
I dated him for 3 years. We saw each other every other weekend.
He was the Most Popular Guy Online
He stayed online the entire relationship. Not only that, he was the most popular guy in the 50s in the entire 818 area code.
I’m not exactly sure what that algorithm means, but I figure it’s that:
✅ he received the most messages
✅ he responded to the most messages
✅ he was online the most
✅ some combination thereof
I’m assuming it’s because Mr. Clooney was #1 above: Handsome received the most messages. 📧
He wasn’t American. His English wasn’t perfect. He had some pretty obvious grammatical errors in his profile, but for the most part, it served the purpose. He plagiarized from others, and it did the trick.
He, simply, looked hot in his professionally done photos.
I never got a straight answer out of him as to why he wanted to stay online.
I don’t think he was a narcissist. Maybe, he was addicted. Lord knows, it’s a seductive easy rabbit hole. Especially, as I predict, Mr. Most Popular received a shitload of 📧 on a daily basis from a bevy of beautiful babes.
Why did he choose to stay online? Was it to meet someone closer? Nicer? Prettier? Thinner? Fitter? Wealthier? Famous? Did he have a prepaid, long-term contract?
I wanted to know why. At times, it really hurt.
Whatever. I didn’t really care the specific reason, but I wanted to know why. At times, it really hurt. I was amazed and impressed at his facile ability to evade a direct answer.
It stimulated some pretty bad form in our relationship, on my end, anyway. He stayed online, so, I stayed online.
Lots of people knew he was my bf. They would tell me, “Hey, your bf is online.” I tried to have a thick skin and laugh it off. I liked him and thought we had a great relationship. Hence, I let it slide.
Why do we cut some people slack and not others? Cause we may want what we can’t have.
There are no free lunches.
I don’t know if polyamory was a thing in those days. Maybe, it was just “amore.”
I don’t know what he was doing online with respect to meeting people. But, I knew what I was doing. I was dating Tom, Dick & Harry, per se. Online & off. I dated some guys for quite a while. There was some extensive overlap, complications and juggling.
I developed another bf. His name is Jeff. He asked me to marry him. I did. We are.
When should you get offline when dating?
When you want to go all in. And, when you don’t want the other person to meet someone else. It can really backfire on you, just as it did to Mr. Clooney. BTW, Jeff knows all about it.
Ultimately, it’s really important that your partner is in the foxhole with you. Unconditionally.
Here’s a free tip: Take the time to get the best photos.
We just performed the following service for a client. He sent us 31 photos. Less is more. We selected only 4 to use, the order, & explained why & why not. He was surprised at our choices, wanted to discuss & challenge our feedback. He followed our advice. He received instantaneous likes. He’s shocked.