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Official PreQM Blog

To Do & What Not To Do in Dating. That is the Question. If it was only that easy. Where is Shakespeare when you need him? This is the official blog of PreQualified Mates, PreQM.

 

 

If it Feels Good, Say It. The Upside is the Best

Do you ever compliment your love interests?

Most everyone likes them. They are also the right price. Free.

I like compliments, although they can be embarrassing.

Do you have a difficult time accepting one? According to Dr David R Kille, et al, in their “Who can’t take a compliment” study, this is a self esteem problem: LSE. Lack of self esteem. Add that to the list.

But, a good one is really thoughtful.

A sincere complement is thoughtful. It makes the recipient feel good.
An internal warmth.

If you are thinking it, and it’s kind, just consider saying it. It’s easy. What have you got to lose?

Going overboard, though, is fucking awkward.
Like when someone tells you, “You are so pretty.” Like a broken record, ten times in an hour.

It’s a turnoff. It’s a credibility loss. It’s creepy.
You think: “Hasn’t someone attractive ever given you the time of day? Why are you throwing shade at me? What’s wrong with that guy? Don’t they have any other creative thoughts?”

You may want to run for the hills.

Do you have a problem taking a compliment?

It can be cognitive dissonance, when “your Self-Image Doesn't Line Up.” As Amy Morin describes in 4 Reasons Compliments Make You Uncomfortable.

A compliment needs to be authentic. Genuine. Unless you are an award-winning actor, insincerity wreaks.

Let’s call it “Kissing” 😉

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If (Kissing) isn’t good with your date, don’t be quick to blame. You may be equally responsible. It takes two to tango. Maybe you weren’t the best kisser, either. You may actually suck.

However, if you are compelled to discuss it, you need to find your moment. Like a few days later, in a neutral environment over coffee, face to face. Definately not via text. Or, you can be a wuss and ghost them, or never bring it up and be unhappy.

It’s nice to give an honest compliment after making out. Especially, after the first really good kiss. As long as it is sincere.

💋That was the best (kiss).
💋You are the best kisser.
💋That was an awesome (kiss). I’m still feeling it.

The Do’s and Don’ts of “Kissing” Compliments

Don’t rank them.

DON'TS

🛑Don’t say “That was the best (kiss) I’ve had in (6 months).”
🛑Don’t compare other partners. Who else is he kissing? Is he still seeing that person? Am I not good enough of a kisser? 
🛑Don’t say, “That was better than my ex.”
🛑Don’t say, “My ex was better at (kissing).”

DO’S

🙂Do say, “My ex didn’t like (kissing), but I like (kissing) you.”
🙂Do say, “You are really awesome at (kissing).”

Do you think I look fat?

The single exception is if a woman asks you, “Do I look fat in these (fill in - anything) pants/jeans/shorts/bathing suit/ball gown/skirt/dress/lingerie/other?” The correct response is “No, you look great! Let’s go!

My friend, Rex, was over at my house. He’s big. Like, 6’4”. For some reason, Rex nearly always wears long shorts and Prada shoes. Who knew? My husband calls him ‘Rex No Pants.’

He’d been a really bud, and drove my mother and her friend home from an event across the Bay. I had some shirts in a bag at my home from my father. My dad was a big guy, too, and a shopaholic. The shirts were never worn, with the tags on, from Neiman Marcus. Burberry.

Guys can say this to other guys. 😳

I offered one to Rex, as a thank you for driving my mother. He put on one of the shirts.
My husband said, “Rex, you look fat!
I was incredulous. My eyes were like saucers in shock. I couldn’t believe it. But, apparently, guys can say that to one another, without needing to seek psychiatric treatment.
I’m like “JEFF!”
But, Rex said, “No, it’s ok.” I was stunned. Who knew?

You need to give someone a compliment at the right time. They need to be situationally appropriate. I mean, at work, it’s best to keep the complement to work. “Great job on that.” Or a simple, “Well done, you!” As a sales director, I was pretty disciplined about documenting well done efforts via email. I’d send it to the recipient, their manager and HR. It’s nice to have positive affirmations in your file.

If you can’t think of one, here are some good examples.

✅You look really fit.
✅You have beautiful eyes.
✅Your blue shirt brings out the blue in your eyes.
✅I really like that shirt on you.
✅You have a beautiful smile.
✅You look hot in those jeans.
✅You look very Hollywood. (I love that one). 

If someone gives you a compliment, take it. Accept it. Use your manners. Smile and say, “Thank you.

Be careful if you tell someone that they look like someone else. Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they are happy. Othertimes, they get mad. I’ve received both.

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My daughter has been told thousands of times that she looks like Lindsey Lohan. I think it’s the jawline. After the trainwreck incidents - my daughter was in middle school at the time - I told her, “It’s basically a compliment when someone says you look like a celebrity and just smile.” She said, “I know that.” That’s my girl!

My husband was in the emergency room. He told me I looked like Melania. I’m thinking, “Is he out of his mind? Is he on meds? Does he need his eyes examined?” The next morning, I told him that he’d told me that I look like Melania. He said he knew that and he thinks I look like her. OK. I’ll take it. She is beautiful. Who knew? lol

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For Editorial Use Only

I told my client that I thought he looked like Jeff Goldblum, when he was younger. He does. He was so offended.

You asked for it. You got it.

Don’t fish for compliments, but it is ok to ask their opinion. Just be prepared for an unexpected response.

You asked, so if they don’t give you the answer that you wanted to hear, own it.

Do you like this purse with this outfit?
Not really.
A good way to say it is, “I think you can do better.”

What is the way to compliment body parts? With caution.

Be very careful when complimenting body parts. Eyes up! It’s ok to say:

✅You have very nice biceps.
✅You have nice teeth.
✅You are very fit.
✅You have a nice body. 

Giving someone else a compliment actually may give you self-esteem. A gift that keeps on giving.